Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Protective Force Field

I need a protective force field.

I take on others stuff - troubles, angst, problems, emotions, etc. I actually feel what they feel...and, who knows where I learned this (well, I know but let's not go into it), I like to try and fix it. And, when it doesn't get fixed, it causes me more angst etc. Sometimes a little more than it is causes the actual person.

Shoot, I feel angst when just pondering the state of the planet. I haven't seen "An Inconvenient Truth" because I just can't handle it. I stop reading when I see the headline "Giant Ice Shelf Cracks Off Antarctica". I was given the book and I haven't even cracked it open.

So just imagine when the problem is tied to a loved family member or friend...especially those with the chronic type of issues. I can't just close the book or change the channel with them.

So, I am trying to LET IT GO! My sister has a new phrase these days:

"Let go or be dragged"

I like it a lot.

I have to constantly remind myself that letting go of other people problems is not being a bad friend, sister, wife, daughter. I can care, empathise, show concern, listen to their venting, and I don't have to solve it. They are adults and have their own path. I sometimes feel that if I put all the energy I expend on worrying about other people back on myself - I might actually accomplish some goals I have set for myself.

Even as I type, I feel guilty. Wondering what some of my friends will think when they read this. Will they judge me?

When will THAT feeling go away? Hey, I'm a work in progress. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? First of all, guilt is for when you do something WRONG. Second, if my friends are mad nbecause I am trying to give up my co-dependent ways and take care of myself...then maybe they aren't my friends after all. Hmm....

As I pondered all this, I found these images that illustrate what I'm feeling. Maybe I can use them as visualizations when I need that extra support.
And, they are kinda funny. :-)


Jean said...

Kudos to you, Tina! It is a hard balance to be a loving, caring person without giving up yourself, your needs, your energy and your time.

Think of it this way - if you fix it for them, will they ever learn to do it for themselves? Teach them to fish (I know, I usually don't use biblical metaphors, but hey, when the shoe fits...). I think of all the REALLY hard lessons I needed to learn in my life and I wonder if I could have truly understood if someone had done it for me and then I try to use that to guide my decisions with other people.

I struggle with guilt DAILY but I have made lots of progress in that area. Hang in there! Just the fact that you are thinking about it means that something great is stewing in there.

LOVE your blog!!

Anonymous said...

You are capable of great things. Do not put limitations on yourself. You can do all things you put your mind to.