Why?

I don't keep New Years resolutions. I have a hard time sticking to what I give up for Lent. I'm bad at calling friends and even loose track of people I adore sometimes. I never miss work, am on top of work related email most of the time, and can make time for business meetings. I dislike this about myself. In the end, what is going to matter? Family and Friends vs work? Which will be the victor?

I went to a funeral today for my Aunt's mother. A wonderful woman filled with joy and happiness. It radiated from her. Everyone who stood up and spoke of her had the same warm memories to share; hugs, smiles, cookies, and more hugs.

I hadn't seen my cousins (it was their Grandmother who passed) in a couple of years. Maybe a year and a half. We live in the same city. They are a bit younger, so thus are on different levels socially. But, I really like them. I remember when they were born and watched them grow up. They probably don't remember this.

The cousins I have of the same age I also like. Yet, we don't see each other. We spend the holidays saying "we need to get together" "we never see each other". And then the guilt sets in. At times I remind myself that the contact is not coming from their direction either.

I want Sunday night dinners. I want a once a month open house. I want to see my family. I need to make it happen. Is it like Field of Dreams: If I do it, they will come. I guess I'll have to see.