Its been a while since I wrote thispost. I still stand behind every word I wrote. I still believe in having hope and patience with those who suffer from mental illness. Everyday I remind myself how hard it must be to live that way every day. Stuck on the roller coaster while that damn carnie just won't stop the ride and let you off.
I rode the downward slope with a friend a couple days ago. She went screaming down, down, down, and I was belted in next to her scared, sad, mad, and damn tired to be there...again. Sunday was far from the first time we have made a trip to the hospital and unfortunately, unless something drastic changes, she is well on her way to a million frequent flyer miles.
Like I said, I still stand behind my earlier post. But, those with mental illness and addiction have to take some control and help themselves. We can't do it all for them. We can lead them to services, addiction recovery, doctors and safety. Getting them to realize they need these services is a whole other problem. Even worse is when they know they need the services but choose their addiction over family and friends and life. Repeatedly.
The loved ones of those suffering from addiction take a beating. We love, hope, get crushed, love some more, hope, get crushed again, love and love some more. And if we have the strength, we know when to step back and distance our selves from the situation. I am having to find that strength. There is nothing I can do. I have done it all. I am stepping away. While my heart hurts, my head is telling me I'm doing the right thing. I don't expect her to understand. She may never understand.
So, I still have hope for her. I will always have hope that she will seek help and her life will become the one she is meant to have.