No Plaid to be Had?

I was at Fabric Depot last week looking for some baby fabric to make a gift for a friend. While I was getting the cute green polka dot fabric cut, I mentioned being partial to plaid while chatting with the woman at the counter.

This is what I hear in response: "We just don't carry plaid here. I think we have 2 types in wool."

Say what? HUH? I'm sorry I must have misunderstood. Did you say you DON'T carry plaid?

For those of you who are not familiar with Fabric Depot - it's a HUGE building on 122nd and Stark. Over an acre of fabric. For me, it's the fabric version of Powells. I get equally as mind boggled and overwhelmed in Fabric Depot as I do in Powells. Which of course leaves me two options: buy everything I see OR walk around in utter amazement and buy nothing...typically I do the latter.

There are fabrics with cowboys, cars, shoes, cupcakes, and for Pete's sake - green beans and carrots! How can you not have a classic plaid?

Would Powells ever say: "I'm sorry... Fiction...geez...we just don't carry that. We may have 2 books in the mystery section." It think not.

Fabric Depot needs to take a lesson from Powells. Searching their website for "plaid" actually returns 50 hits. 10 of which are specifically about plaids and tartans....and a few that look suspiciously like cheesy Scottish themed romance novels. The most interesting hit was the first: Tartan: Romancing the Plaid.

Ok, rant over. I need a customer comment card, I guess. "Please carry more plaid. Thanks" Signed - The Buchanan.

And by the way - that little picture there is the Buchanan Plaid.

March Forth..Oh the Irony!

I planned to use my down time today to pay bills, send important emails and catch up. I did get a
a few items finished and then I got side-tracked.

Like a good procrastinator, I decided to google search if today was a holiday here..or anywhere..of any sort.

According to Holidays On The Net: today is "March Forth: Do Something Day. March 4th...er...forth with your goals today. Do something, do anything. Just stop procrastinating."

I love it when the universe speaks to me. Nuff' said.

Culture of Fear

Another reason why I can't stand the local news. Not only do they serve up "snow storm panic" every year, but we also get "heat wave panic", "ID theft panic", and the ever so generic "see what can KILL you...in 10 minutes when we come back from break panic".

Now we have "earthquake panic". Yep, we live on a fault line. Yep, we are over due for "the BIG one". Yep, to say it would do some serious damage, is an understatement. Should we PANIC?! Nope.

Instead of focusing on how we can help people in Chile, or what is being done in Chile for their people. OR just providing the facts, we get story after story warning us that we are next. We will die. Portland will fall into the earth. Oregon will crack off the continent and fall in the ocean. UG - I say ENOUGH!

Get a grip for Gods sake!

What is it with this whole living in fear of what we can't control era? Swine Flu. Earthquakes. Meteors bearing down on the planet. ETC ETC ETC.

I've been wanting to read The Culture of Fear: Why Americans are Afraid of the Wrong Things for a long time. I'm going to get it at the library today.

I care about whats happening in the world, as do most of us. But, our local news sucks. I want facts, not emotional warnings and fear tactics.

To Balance or Not to Balance..That is the ?

I'm having one of those days. You know, the ones when you wake up from a deep sleep early in the morning because your To-Do list is already running through your head. No chance of going back to sleep after than either...at least not for me. I didn't even try. Instead, I picked up the ever present notebook next to my bed and started making my To-Do list and my grocery list. A few minutes later - I just got up.

I'm in a constant state of trying to find balance. My list of item to finish is never ending and yet I don't see my friends enough. Unfortunately, it's the list that nags at me from the back of my head. It's voice is louder.

So, today I have the option of seeing some friends, that I probably won't take. You see, that nagging little To-Do voice talks to the other part of my brain that causes anxiety. They get together and conspire against me, making me feel stress and angst, thus making fun...well...less fun.

If I just get the list done (is this REALLY possible?) the angst and anxiety will go away and fun can be had.

Today I choose preventative medicine - the To-Do list. It's the only way to find some eventual balance. THEN I can enjoy my fun time. I'm hoping to get to a place where my To-Do list is short and sweet and I can keep up on things. Therefore, allowing me TONS of fun time sans the nagging voice.

Off I go to get satisfaction from crossing items off my list. Laundry - check. Pay bills - check. And so on, and so on.

Happy Valentines Day! To YOU...and YOU...and YOU!

Just a little song for my friends! No matter if I see you often or only rarely, my life would not be the same without you. :-) See video #1.

For those who cringe just a bit on Valentines Day the cartoon short, video #2, is for you!

Missing You....7 Years....

Today I am missing my dear friend Curt. Maybe I am feeling especially down today, or maybe its that he was killed seven years ago as of January 12th, which has made January hard for me ever since. Either way, I have been thinking of Curt a lot lately.

I try to curb the mix of emotion and just focus on his gentleness and picture his great smile. He was the most kind spirited man. Willing to help anyone who needed it. He loved his family. I never heard him raise his voice, or talk bad about anyone. Ever. He shared himself and his love and his peace with those around him. Was selfless.

Curt was murdered. Shot in his home on a wintery Sunday. The neighbors outside taking down their Christmas lights heard nothing. Saw nothing. Know nothing.

I found out about his death at work. At that point I didn't know the how, just that he was gone. Luckily there was another interpreter there and they took my class - well part of it. They could only stay so long..I would have to pull it together and interpret. I don't know how I did it. All, I could think was that I had to get home and call a couple of our mutual friends and tell them them news. I had to call his best friend and get the details. I had to get in the car and drive to Boise - NOW.

In the middle of making those calls, I found out he was murdered. In a small town just outside of Boise. When I hear people say "you live in Portland wow, I'm too scared to go downtown" I want to laugh. Crime happens everywhere.

I didn't make it to work the next day, as a friend and I were driving all night in order to arrive at the funeral in time. Monday at work a friend asked - "hey, where were you Friday." After telling him, I remember saying " I hope they never find the person who did it, because I can't imagine hating someone this much for the rest of my life." My friend was taken aback by this. But at the time, only a few days after, I was filled with such anger and hate for this mysterious person who stole the life of my friend. At this mysterious person who stole the lives of his family, who changed all of our lives forever.

My hate and anger has lessened. Although it still grips me at times and I ache with an anger I don't know what to do with. My sadness is still strong. At random times I still experience a rush of emotion and tears in my eyes, as if it just happened.

I find pictures of he and I in my office and I smile, remembering the fun times we had in Toledo at the WSRID Summer Institute. Those are good days...when I am surprised to see his smiling face staring up at me. "Hi Tina! Remember: be happy and I'm in a good place."

In 2007, Curt's wife was arrested and convicted of his murder. The trial split his family and the town into two camps. Those who thought her guilty and those who did not. The evidence was not overwhelming and the police did a horrible job at processing evidence. Including losing hair found on his body, and a technician throwing out the tissue/trace evidence found under his nails from struggling with his killer. His wife had no scratches on her, no gun powder residue and an alibi. I can go and and on about the horrendous mistakes made during the investigation. His children totally support their mother and are working on an appeal. But, I will leave that for another post.

I struggle with the not knowing. Did she? Didn't she? In my gut, I don't think she did it. And when I read the evidence..or lack there of...I really really don't think she did it. Sometimes I think this turn of events has made the grieving harder. There is no end. Just more struggle and more questions and no new answers.

Curt was a Father, brother, husband, Grandfather, interpreter, & friend. At his funeral his brother quoted the scripture "Well done my good and faithful servant" - I thought I had never heard anything more fitting. His life was well done, in every way.

I miss you Curt. I think about you everyday. I try to use your life as an example of how to live. With peace, love, and acceptance.

Hhhhmmm...What to Do?

I'm ready to chuck it in.

By this I mean: unload stuff, downsize, shirk my extra responsibilities, and just clear up my life.

Rex and I were married 4 year ago and it seems we have been running, going, doing ever since. Work, remodel, move, work, remodel, work, set up a business, LTA, etc etc. Don't misunderstand - I like my life. I like to do do do. But, maybe..just maybe...I'm ready for don't don't don't.

I can't keep my office clean. I haven't taken care of myself. I haven't gotten my yard finished. Where is the time? It has become more clear lately that time is fleeting. Minutes, hours, days fly by a mock speed and I am screaming into the future. That sonic boom you hear is actually the sound of my realization: Life is short.

Where do I want to be? What do I want to be doing? And with whom?

We decided this year we would see our friends and family more often. Rex and I need that. We need to decompress, laugh and let our loved ones know that they are loved. A much better way to spend my time I should think.

How does one go from being a do-do-do-doer, to a slow-down-let go of some stuff-er? And, why does this come with a feeling of guilt? Where does THAT come from?

I'm also a bit of pack-rat and am ready to unload, craigslist, give away anything I don't need. My sister often says: "Let go or be dragged" and I have to say that's how I feel these days.

So, new year, how about I look you in the face and see what I can do to clear things up.

I'll keep you posted.